Free at last !!!
I really hope and pray that my story can maybe give others hope. I won't use my real name, but you can call me S. I met my abuser when I was 21. He was 11 years older than me and extremely charming. At the time I was teaching English in another country. I was young and starry eyed and he swept me off my feet. I thought I had found a good guy who would marry me and take care of me forever. 3 months after meeting him, I found out I was pregnant. He took it well and said that he was happy but I started to notice a change in him. He started to lose his temper alot. At first it was with others, but then with me. I thought it was stress cuz we had just moved in together and that it would pass. But it didn't. When it came time to have my daughter, he wasn't in the room with me. The first time he hit me was 3 months after she was born. Until then it was just verbal. I freaked out and he apologised, but it only got worse from then on. Punching, kicking, slapping...that was normal. I couldn't do anything right. If dinner was 10 min late cuz she was crying I would get it. He cut me off from my friends and family, controlled the time I was out of the house. One day I missed the bus coming home from church and when I got home he threw a knife at me which hit my arm. (Thank God he missed, cuz he was aiming for my face!) Every day he tore me down till I really thought that was the way he saw me. He would also force me to have sex with him whenever he wanted and if I said no... Sometimes he would seem normal, but it would all start again in a few days. One day, I got ahold of a computer and started an online profile on a social networking site. I started making friends which drove him nuts but then he started as well which took the heat off. By this time, I had started getting smarter and was able to lie covincingly to him abt where I was all the time. (I would use Cybercafes.) One day I met a really sweet guy who became a very close friend of mine. We would chat every day and talk on the phone whenever we could. He helped give me the courage to walk away. One day (2006) I made my choice. I left my daughter in her parental grandmother's custody, took as much money as I could from him, rented a room, packed up, and left the house without telling him. He came home to find me gone. I then asked my Consulate for help in getting home (which they did) That was 5 years ago. I am now married to the man who helped me get out and have found real love.(He knows the whole story and has helped me forget.) I have become top salesperson in my company. I read whatever I want, listen to my music now (hard rock, LOL), wear whatever I want and am happy. Meditation really helped with my depression and I was able to pull myself out by doing that every day. I am back in touch with my family, we talk every day, I have friends. My husband treats me like a princess because he knows what I have been thru. I just want to say to all that it does get better. I used to have nightmares but they stopped. You have to believe that. Take it one day at a time. I won't say that it's always easy. I still get very defensive at times and I still put myself down mentally.I still cry. (You can't be in a situation like that for 9 1/2 years and not expect to cry.) You just have to keep at it, think positive thoughts, and not be afraid to get help frm others. And remember to praise yourself when you have even the slightest self victory. (The first time I got close to top salesperson, I went on a shopping spree!) In this case, pride is not a bad thing! Remember what you used to like to do, even if it's something like raiding a library, or listening to loud music and try to do it as often as you can. And remember, as long as there is life there is hope. If i could do it you can (and I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. Now I am symptom free.). Meditate, pray, make friends and don't be afraid to share your story with others. They can help even if it's just a kind word when you need it. Well I hope this helps someone, even if it's just one person it will be worth it.